Messing Around

at Posted by Kusum Rohra
This super hilarious post reminded me of how facebook also tries to mess with me. I mean have you guys noticed sometimes on the right hand side it produces the picture of the most meek in your friend's list and asks you to 'Poke him'! I do not want to poke any of my friends, stab with a steely knife maybe, but poke, never.

I mean helloooo just because I occasionally hit the husband doesn't mean I am violent, on the contrary I am very very non violent and docile.I don't get the poking bit at all, why poke? I mean I can understand stab with a steely knife or tie around a pole and electrocute , or *eyes shining* dip in boiling water er sorry I got carried away, what good is a simple poke I ask.

Then there is the other ads it has, from the friend list it will pick the most irritating person and it will as to reconnect with him. I get online on Facebook at least for 10 minutes daily and still if I have chosen to not connect to that person there is a reason. Then there are other irritating things Facebook says, 'Say hello', 'Help her find her friends' er no thanks, 'Share the latest news' there is NO news and so on and so forth, these social networking sites have their leetal ways of messing around, don't they.

Mind games

at Posted by Kusum Rohra
7.00 am: it's 7.00 am already!! :( Ok so I have to get up make breakfast, make lunch, pack our snacks *deep sigh* but I feel like a zombie *zzzzzzzzz*

7.10 am: I really should get up now, I have to reach work by 9.30, finish the damn thingie I am working on by 11.00 am. Just the thought of being at work is making me sleepy *zzzzzzzzzz*

7.15 am: Er, if I make Dal and Rice, instead of subji roti for lunch and ask the hubby to make breakfast then I can sleep another 10 mins :) decided then, dal and rice it is :) *zzzzzz*

7.18 am: But it's not good, I am becoming very very lazy and taking too bloody much advantage of the hubby, God I feel like I haven't slept at all! *zzzzzzzzz*

7.21 am: Wait a min!! I really haven't slept much, what time did we go to bed last night? 5.00 am or 5.30 am, I really need to stop watching movies all night, *sigh* how do I get myself out of bed now *zzzzzzzzzz*

7.25 am: Wait a min! I saw movies all night, all night? Er, why, er it was a Saturday, so today is Sunday so er I can *zzzzzzzzzz* ...... YAY *zzzzz* YAY *zzzzzz* YAY *zzzzzzzzz* * turned around and hugged the sound asleep husband*

7.30 am: But anyways must make husband make breakfast and lunch and dinner, taking advantage is must for a healthy marriage *zzzzzzzzzzz*

Such an torturous half an hour I spent early Sunday morning all because my mind which is not supposed to be existing in the first place lost track of what day it was :)

Avatar - A Must-Mast watch

at Posted by Kusum Rohra
Everyone loves the story of good winning over evil, even the sarcastic smart asses do, ram winning over ravana, pandavas defeating the kauravas, harry potter beats the crap out of Voldemort, Bhuvan and team beat gora's at their own game, so Avatar is a simple story of the age old good winning over evil, so what makes it special? The very very colourful and vibrant visuals, the stunning frames and the very much present Hindi-movie type of surety that hero hi jitega.

James Cameron has done what Valmiki did long long back, he took a simple story, added stunning visuals and made it much lovable. I doubt if Valmiki were to remove the vanar sena(the army of the monkeys), the super powers of Hanuman, the very visually evil 10 heads of ravana, the small stories in the big story, the flying saucer type of vehicles of the Gods, would it be interesting as it is today.

Avatar has all the standard must haves for a good V/s evil story, common forces unite against the evil forces, one face to face good dishoom dishoom between the bad and the good guy, one strong leading lady to support the Good guy, (un)expected help thrown in from super powers to whom ardent prayers have been offered by the common forces and a special prayer from the good guy. Even then it's a must watch, the visuals are that good.

The weekend has begun on a very good note for us, hope you guys have a good weekend too.

The look

at Posted by Kusum Rohra
You raise an eyebrow, you purse your lips, sometimes you roll your eyes and take a deep breath. At other times you heave a deep sigh and look away, you know how to widen eyes very subtly but dramatically, so basically you know how to give Khunnas a.k.a the look without speaking a word. You are every woman. Most of the days when the hubby is being himself I just give him one of my looks, environmental friendly you see, I am conserving my energy.But then the problem is in the pitch dark at night when the hubby is still yak yakking and making bad jokes we go something like this:

Hubby: You know I am smarter than you.
Me: *silence * *sigh*
Hubby: In fact you can never be as smart as I am.
Me: *One eyebrow raised* *pursing of lips*
Hubby: You do know that I can't see you so whatever look you are giving me; it's wasted.
Me(since getting up and switching on the light for him to see 'the look' will be too much of an effort): *kicks him in the tush*
Hubby: Of course you are smarter and more intelligent, I am just beginning to develop a strange sense of humour, I don't really know what is wrong with me. *sobbing meekly*

So now let's get to the point of the post (finally!). During my brief stay with the in laws at one of the lunches, hubby was sitting right next to me, chomping away. I totally hate people who make a chomping noise when they eat, but I am with the in laws, I can't look up and yell at him, can't kick his tush, such unjust restrain of emotions. Ah! But to the rescue comes my environmentally friendly looks, ever so subtly I widened my eyes to express my displeasure and looked down immediately like a shy new bride and fluttered my eyelashes smiling coyly. My very attentive husband, who happens to the man of my dreams as in everything I liked about him is now a dream, totally missed my signal, but it didn't go unnoticed, well the ma in law saw it and quickly reprimanded me in her quintessential I-am-the-ma-in-law tone, "Well I noticed he makes that chomping noise, but I feel I should just let him be so that he can enjoy his food." I was shell shocked that she noticed my ever so subtle, blink-and-you-miss signal to the husband. Ah! Mother in laws.

Kurbaan = Friday Night ruined

at Posted by Kusum Rohra
Warning: Spoilers ahead, so read this post to save your money.

I had booked tickets for De Dana Dan for the much awaited Friday night, since husband and I are in Chennai we have too many options for the weekend, however we ditch all those options and choose to see bad movies.The very snooty husband told me De Dana Dan was trashed badly so in spite of my intelligence and prior bad experiences on taking his advice, well I sold my tickets to De Dana Dan and bought tickets for Kurbaan and along with it Kurbaan-ed a Friday night and my money.

Why can't people like Karan Johar stick to their core (in)competencies. Song,dance, clothes, location. At least people know that it's a song-dance routine and just chill. Is it too much to ask?What exactly was the point Karan Johar tried to make with his story? Anybody? The movie obviously was a joke from the moment Vivek Oberoi with his very bad acting decided to deal with the terrorist gang himself instead of alerting the authorities. I mean really, what the hell was the point of the movie? In this one particular scene Om Puri is to drink coffee when Kirrrrron Kher stops him and says "oi, tumko diabities hai and coffee main cheeni hai.....blah blah blah' I think the scence would have been better if she said "Oi, tumko diabities hai and coffee main cheeni hai, tumhe bomb blast main marna hai, diabitites se marega to tumhe jannat nahi milegi."

To add to the anger and confusion I was feeling while watching the movie, (anger because I am sure no matter how bad it was de dana dan could never have been as bad as Kurban and confused because I kept hoping that may be D'Silva tried to add something to the movie and maybe there was a point to it after all) was just aggravated in the interval, the lady who used the loo right before I entered had wet the entire seat. I stepped out and asked her how can she just leave the seat all wet. To which she said it was already wet. Grrrrrr. When we were leaving the theatre, I saw her walking on the sidewalk and yelled out to her "Dirty unhygienic woman!!" The hubby has disowned me after that, but then it's time somebody yelled at idiots like that. We should put pictures of these people in public places and ban their entry. If you don't have basic civic sense then bloody nonsense you stay at home.

While I would complete trash this movie, a word of praise for Kareena and her make up man are a must. She acted the best I guess and her make - up well oh la la au naturale' . So there if you think the movie is still worth watching than I am damn sure its only because of the ( love-making scene! Hmpf.

The Menu for the week in Rohra's Kitchen

at Posted by Kusum Rohra

Since I am a working housewife (do you realise how much I harp on this, full footage I want from the fact that I slog so much to earn money for buying diamonds and feed the husband to make him fat and ready for the kill. heh) I like to try and make sure I can cook in the least required time. If you have cooked 4 meals a day, regularly and are looking for adding variety then you know that one of the toughest and time consuming activities is deciding the menu and to avoid wasting time in this activity I hereby present to you the 'Menu of the week' hung carefully on our fridge with my lovely fridge magnets :) This saves me time every day and is handy every Saturday when I am shopping for the coming week. I know, I know what you all want to say; What an idea loonyji * smiling from ear to ear *

Santo and Banto

at Posted by Kusum Rohra
Long long back I was blessed by this mysterious charm due to which all the room-mates were getting married leaving me behind on a long and tiring room-mate search. When I moved out of my parents' house for the first time I moved in with couple of my colleagues who now are my best friends, since I was lucky to have them as my first roomies the thought that room-mates can make your life hell too never crossed my mind until both of them got married and I moved into Palm villa where the roomies made my life hell. So after these women left (thankfully) I was very sore from the experience and decided to scrutinise the next girl moving in very very closely.

One evening I get a call from this punju girl, we decided to meet close to my house. I being the loony I am reached 15 mins late and the poor Santo stood there waiting for me. When I finally reached there she had this lovely smile on her face, I was surprised I was expecting her to make a face or at least get pissed silently instead there she stood smiling. Once we reached home and settled and spoke to each other I knew she was the one ( I know it's sounding like I was looking for a spouse but believe me finding a good room-mate is just the same )

She asked all the relevant and important questions 'Where is the nearest theatre?', 'Where is the nearest mall?' when I told her how she easily get a bus to her work she said "Bus is good, but don't we get rickshaws from here? Just that I am too lazy to take the bus." She didn't bore me with the regular questions like Do you drink? (I have a post coming up on this stupid question) Do you smoke? Do guys come here? How do we split the expenses? Those question would be sensible but heck, what can be more sensible than theatres and malls?

So I approved of her in fact I sent her desperate smses to move in and then what followed was total fun. First memory of her to me was changing the pale off white curtains we had in our house, they were very classy but classy wlassy is one thing but having life and colour is another, so we got bright red curtains for the house. Next thing we got plants, next we got round pillows to rest our lazy selves while watching tv. Just like that one night she says Ms. Rohra if we had round pillows on our royal mattresses wouldn't it be very comfortable? Off we went in our sleeping clothes to get round pillows, sorry I mean the cheapest available round pillows, we were after all broke but surprisingly never to broke to buy totally unnecessary but wonderful things.

So now we had colour, life, comfort et al in our cosy little house in palm villa :) Both were broke thanks to our shopoholic-ness but did we stop? No. We shopped for small little things to make it more of a home than any. Thanks to her I fell into love with colours :) the roomies before her wouldn't spend Rs.50 extra bucks on the maid to dust the house!

Now my favourite memories of her and me are of our super lazy days. We would sit our tushies in front of the t.v. for dinner, finish our dinner and then without even washing our hands would go from sitting to sleeping and watching t.v till we HAD to go to our rooms. and call it a night Other times we would watch back to back episodes of friends taking turns to change the CDs. That to us was a very tiring exercise. I remember one Sunday morning or rather afternoon we woke up and since we couldn't decide which one of us could make coffee, we just went to Hyatt to have breakfast. Ah, Hyatt the place where a huge % of our salaries were spent thanks to our love for their pizzas and disregard for our wallets.

So here is this post to thank the wonderful roomie who made life fun, coloured it with brightness, shopped with me no matter what the capacity of the wallet and most of all was their during the toughest part of my life and somehow helped me through it. Here is the two of us at one of our favourite places in good old Mumbai 'Prithvi theatre' which was only 30 mins away from our home :D

P.S: The title of this post is keeping the spirit of people in mind :) She Banto; the happy punjaban) me Santo; the er healthy like a punjaban ;)

Chai Time in Palm Villa

at Posted by Kusum Rohra
The best thing about being married so far has been the husband's desktop. It has a 19' monitor, just right for the aging and semi blind me. A very typical morning in the Rohra and Advani house has us; the loony couple, sitting on our very sweet built for two breakfast table hogging on our hearty breakfasts. Perfect you would think? Wait till you hear this. *singing tadna tadna tadna tadddddna * The loony husband *pauses for effect * doesn't drink tea or coffee.

Which means on the lovely breakfast table, eating our hearty breakfast there is this awful disconnect! I drink my pudina chai and he drinks his * cringes her nose * Bournvita. So you see we haven't really bonded yet. What do we bond over? Over BOURNVITA, really? I am loony but not that much, yet. Anyways, in the evenings too when I do come home at a decent hour, I sit with my lonely cup in front of the desktop pinging ex roomies about how much I miss our chai sessions together.

That brings me to the 'Chai time in Palm Villa'. Palm Villa was the apartment I stayed for the last 2-3 years of my single life * sigh * how much I miss it. Enjoying chai in the morning or after a hard day of work, was a ritual in our house, all the roomies, Vineeta desai, Swapnagangha Joshi (the one who got me addicted to pudina chai), Raji, Rubina Chowdhury (the Bengal tigress cum singaporean babe who used to have black tea/coffee right before sleeping), Pranati Mohapatra (who lives geographically the closest now and hence MUST drop in for tea sometime after all Bangalore is not that far from Chennai) and last but not in the bit least Vidhi Malhotra were into it like it was a cult.

We all respected the chai time so much that we could give up anything to be at home at the chai time. Poor Malhotra worked the farthest from home and so would miss the chai session in the evenings. So one Friday I get a call from this very chirrpy, happy sounding punjaban saying "Ms. Rohra, I have finally managed to reach home before you, let me know when you are about to reach, main chai chadda dungi" I could almost hear her grin away happily, to which I very very sadly replied "Ms. Malhotra, I am stuck at work and doesn't look like I will make it anytime soon." The very optimistic Malhotra reminded me it was weekend so no matter how late I got home we would have chai. She kept smsing me in between expecting an Main-aa-rahi-hun reply however I only got home in time for dinner and the chai time that evening was Qurban corporate slavery ke naam.

Next day morning I had to go to work whereas a very peaceful Malhotra lay sleeping (one of her favourite things to do in the whole world), before leaving I just nudged her a bit asking "I am making some tea would you want some." She just nodded a no sleepily. As I was about to make tea suddenly she come running and says, "I have been waiting to have tea with you since yesterday! Akele toh chai achi nahi lagegi, I can always sleep again after you go, bring it on ji." and thats exactly what she did, she had chai and went back to sleep. Such is the importance of having tea with some people around you. Having chai just doesn't feel right.

Thoughts of a dying bride-to-be

at Posted by Kusum Rohra
Last time I was to come to Indonesia, I had to postpone my trip by a few days since one of my pre-marital ceremonies, the lover boy's birthday and his thread ceremony all were during that same week. The very same floor for which I was booked in the Marriot was blown up in a bomb blast. Had I not postponed my trip I would have died. Scary.

This month during my second visit while I was in a meeting, suddenly I looked up to notice that the Operations Head of my client's team was under her desk. I must say I love Indonesian people for their little quirks but this was a little too much so I yelled at her saying "Hey is that a new operatinal process?" to which she replied "NO! this is an earhtquake". Holy smoke! Only then did I realise the tremors, my foundation is too strong and my weight too much , you can't easily shake me.

Within seconds we were evacuating the building, coming down from the 12th floor by stairs. There was a pregnant lady right in front of me so there was no running and people respected her speed and didn't panic. By the time we reached the 8th floor the tremors were still strong and the building swayed merrily. We noticed paint cracking on the walls of the under construction building we were in. Thats it. Thats when I choked knowing I would be dying for sure in that massive glass house.

So what do you think would be your last thoughts if you knew you were gonna die? Would you think of your family? Your lover? Would you be thinking of God? I don't know, but the first thought that came to my mind was 'My God, the many hajaar rupees Lehenga that I have bought for my wedding reception would go waste now.' Talk about being loony. Well the next I am calculating my life Insurance amount and wondering if natural calamity is covered by my policies *Notes down: Check your bloody policies woman! *

By the time I reached the ground floor I had calculated the amount, I had to just add the sum assured in the two policies I hold, but with the world trembling under my feet it took a very long time to do that :). When we were standing in the emergency assembly area we could still feel the earth trembling under us. I wondered if it was a figment of my imagination but people around confirmed the ground still grumbled. I have been told this was the longest the tremors have lasted in a very very long time.

Once it all settled down and I was back in my hotel room on the 31st floor in the very comfortable Mulia Senayan, I wondered how would I ever get down to some safe level if something were to happen again. My knees buclked up thinking of the tremors * phew* For now it is business as usual. But what is it with Indonesia? It's a nice place. The people are slow and easy, generally very peaceful. So why is it that every visit of mine is marked by life threathing events such as bomb blasts or earthquakes? I think that by the time this project goes live I will surely die in one of such incidents and my lovely lehenga would indeed be wasted * sobbing meekly*

Waah Taj

at Posted by Kusum Rohra
In about a month I would be getting married, so as a very demure and shy (get rid of the grin people) bride-to-be I thought it is necessary to book a super sexy place for the wedding night. My first choice was a place in town, I just love South Mumbai. But travelling to the domestic airport for flying the next day to the honeymoon destination * trying to blush * from South Mumbai can be a pain, hence after careful consideration of various things (read king size bed and sea view) that are to be considered for booking a good place for the wedding night I decided Taj lands End was a good option. As a true sindhi I wanted to see if I could get some good offer. Their website lists too many option to be useful hence I decided calling them would be the best way to get a good deal. Ha!
The shy demure bride-to-be: Hi I am Kusum, I would like to book a room for my wedding night, I would like to know if you have some good offer going on for a two night stay.
After going through the endless useless offers the conversion came to the most useful and relevant offer Taj could have:
Person on the reservation desk: Hi Kusum, we have another offer (for the sake of simplicity let's call it WAAH TAJ.) which will be very good for your wedding night stay.
Me(feeling very excited and shy as well): Great what all does it include?
POTRD: Free use of the club facilities such as gymnasium, sauna etc.
Me(feeling very disappointed that the POTRD too is pushing me to the gym): What else does it include?
POTRD: Choice of newspaper's
That's it, I was laughing so hard in my head I could not hear what she said after that, I mean what the hell is wrong with these people. Why exactly would a offer which gives you your choice of newspapers and free use of the gymnasium would be relevant or even useful to a couple on their wedding night!! Isn't that supposed to be relevant after the fourth day of the honeymoon? He will read the paper and I will go work out in the gym. At least for the first four days and no more, with the way things are four days should be enough for us to realise saala kidhar phaas gaye hum ;)

A friend suggested that I could make exotic lingerie out of the newspapers, but then I realised if I do that the chances of the hubby falling asleep while trying to read a lingerie are quiet high and then just out of frustration I might actually hit the gym. Heh heh, so for now Waah Taj is surely a No Taj for me. Any good ideas from you my dear readers which do not include newspapers and gym?

My last birthday as a Miss

at Posted by Kusum Rohra
Since my marriage is planned for later this year, today is my last birthday as a single, sexy, smart, superra (I went to chennai, remember?), sweet, sensational, lovely, most amazing, superra (oh I already said that one) OK I'll stop here stop rolling your eyes people! I must say it's been one of the best birthday ever. It began with a lovely bowl full of pink carnations and a cake being delivered at my door ordered by the lover-boy-soon-to-be-husband from Chennai and ended with dinner at Hyatt, the place where I've religiously donated most of my salary month on month. I have a strong feeling the lover boy is being naughty and is dating some madrasi chick in Chennai, I see no other reason for him to send my favourite flowers and a cake, our marriage is fixed and he is a sindhi! Only an affair would explain such behaviour on his part. I will surely get to the bottom of this *rubbing chin and eating gajar in karamchand style *. Anyhoo another most lovely surprise was a treasure hunt my friend who is staying over at my place organised. She handed me the first chit which has the clue for the second chit and so on and so forth I ran around my house looking for my gift which turned out to be a very sweet idol of Radha Krishna which she hopes I will keep in my new house as a married madrasi auntie :) without such friends where would we be now!
As if friends and family weren't enough even strangers made my day. Congress did their best to surprise me, but I had sort of anticipated the rise in Sensex. So here is me saying cheers to my last birthday as a Miss. I will Miss thee my dear single hood. Here is one more picture of the lovely Carnations coloured with the cheating boyfriends guilt. The image quality is not too great as it's taken on my new cell phone which is again gifted by the lover boy, wait a minute, I can see clearly now, he definitely is cheating on me! *jumping with joy * If he is cheating on me, maybe my single hood won't end after all! YAY!

Guide to survival in Chennai- Part 1

at Posted by Kusum Rohra
The bindaas bum-baiya er that is me is stuck in Chennai to spend sometime with the love of my life. * sigh * of all places I am in Chennai on holi. However instead of being sullen I decided to make the most of the sambhar-idli-vada situation I am in. My parents always gush about how I was a very fast learner and keeping up to my bachpan ka habits I am learning very fast to survive in chennai too.

Now the most difficult thing about being in chennai is dealing with the dark, sweaty, lungi clad auto rickshaw drivers here. But ha! in just a few days I have learnt to deal with them.

Consider this dialogue today:

Me: Besant Nagar, Murugan Idli shop pagatla. (Meaning close Besang nagar close to murugan idli shop)

Auto driver: Something in Tamil which I suppose means: oh you bleedhy Hindi speaking nut I will take you to besant nagar!

Me: Ayevalo (Meaning how much)

Auto driver: Fifty rupees madam.

Me: * Giving auto driver a look that you would give to a kid who has just peed on you favourite newly vaccumed rug * Tch roomba jaasti.

Auto driver: Something in Tamil which I think means: Oh come on! You look like you are from mumbai, you pay such heavy rents there, why can't you just shut up and pay the exorbitant charges I am asking you!

Me: * Still giving him the look which says you disappoint me bugger * No, roomba jaasti. Rs.30 Only.

Auto driver: Something in Tamil which I think means : You are such a mean lady. You can spend on Channel and MAC but you would not support my drinking and I just drink the cheapest stuff available at the local liquor store!

Me: (By this time I get irritated) Poda...poda! (Which means get lost you bugger )

Auto driver: Ok ok Rs.30.

Heheheh you see? I have not become proficient in such bargaining that I have managed to save total of Rs.55 in about a week of me being here, if I stay longer I might just end up saving enuff to buy my own car. Heh! So people the step by step survival techniques can be obtained from the above mentioned conversation.

Step 1: No matter how much the auto quotes you need to give him a very stern * you disappoint me * look.

Step 2: No matter what happens you need to bring down the rate by at least 40 to 50%

Step 3: No matter what happens please do not say poda my Tamil speaking friends have been trying to explain that it is highly insulting specially if it come from women that too beautiful women.

Happy travelling.

Certified Loony

at Posted by Kusum Rohra
I think I am ready to be thrown in one of the loony bins now. Friends who know me know my love for shopping and also my extreme love for shopping knick knacks for my er non existing house (as of now). I have a closet full of these sweet little things that cost some sweet money. I have these jewelry boxes I picked up in Kodai, small knitted scissor cases I picked up from Chennai, fancy wall hangings and the loveliest small show pieces I picked in Faridabad, I have even bought small little kullhars for tea from Calcutta.All to be used when I buy a house fancy enough to use all these collectibles. * sigh * You get the drift.

Yesterday I think I went to far. While browsing through Victoria Technical Institute in Chennai, I fell in love with couple of cute little pink vests for new born baby girls. Now I am not anywhere close to having kids in the next 5 years but still I almost bought them thinking I can always store them for the next 5 years and if I have a baby boy instead of a girl I can always dress him in those cute pink vests with lovely pink handcrafted lace and small rabbits in the centre. * sigh * Someone pliss throw me in a loony bin before I end up buying stuff I will use couple of decades from now, I am running out of storage space!

Motorola and ram leela 6

at Posted by Kusum Rohra
I think that's what they should have named Delhi 6. Such terrible terrible movie. I am surprised that this movie has got so many good reviews. Unbelievable. I wonder if it is really a good movie and there is something wrong with me for having hated it so much! Dear readers please tell me you hated the movie as well.
I had come back from a wedding in Faridabad, for which I travelled through Delhi but didn't get a chance to see it or meet the mad momma. Something about the city was lovely, maybe it was the wide roads and narrow rickshaws peddled by men or the lovely cold weather. So I already had Delhi on my mind and then I heard the song which says 'Ye shehar nahi mehfil hai' . That's it. I had to see Delhi 6. When I think of it now, I hate being so overtly sentimental and enthusiastic about a line in a song. After seeing this movie I have images of ram leela running all year long at all possible places in Delhi and people running around clicking away on their Motorolas!
The day before I saw this awful Motorola's advertisement of a movie, I saw the movie billu. Let me tell you it's very difficult to decide which one is worse! My lost faith in bollywood just got lost some more. The only thing good about the movie Billu was the dinner we had before it. I went for this movie with my looniest friends who never leave on time due to which we had to get parcels from subway etc and eat it in the rickshaw. Occasionally with my mouth full from a huge bite of the chicken sheekh sandwich and my face covered with thousand island dressing I would yell at the driver "Bhaiya jaldi chalao humari bahut important meeting hai!" Fine dining it was.
Tired of me badgering him to drive fast he asked "Meeting hai ke koi show hai." to which I replied "Meeting hai bhiya Shahrukh ke saath." I must say it was terrible meeting both Shahrukh and Abhishek. I want my money back and some diamonds too as compensation :(

Loony Train Accident

at Posted by Kusum Rohra
I always have had a strong feeling that some freaks up there watch me all the time and every now and then they decide to have a laugh or two at my expense. Long ago, in the comforatable land called parent's home, I was a princess, I travelled in a private rickshaw to school and my college was very close to home so there had been no exposure to travelling in Mumbai's local train, which according to me is not a mode of transport but some experiment conducted by highly frustrated aliens. One evening a friend of mine Anju* (another princess like me) and I were returning from a friend's house which was close to the Ulhasnagar station, instead of walking all the way over to the station and crossing the bridge we decided to cross the railway tracks . Now no sensible person should cross the tracks so it would be safe to say we qualified to cross the railway tracks.
It was late in the evening and there were no lights on the tracks. Now Ulhasnagar station has two railway tracks with little space between them and almost no space on the sides. As we walked ahead we realised that there was a train coming on the track we were walking on. We quickly ran onto the other track only to realise there was a train coming on that one too. In a fit of confusion we stupid girls jumped onto the side instead of lying low in the space between the two tracks.

On the side that we were standing was a small gutter and the only way we wouldn't be hit by the train was our standing in the gutter. Anju being the sensible smart princess jumped right in to save her life and I being the loony princess thought it would be better to be run over by the train then stand in the gutter. Hmph. *slaps people who rolled their eyes *
So now the freaks watching me don't like the attitude, they feel it is their prime duty to teach me that 'Jaan hai toh Jahaan hai' (Loose translation: The world is if there is life, er or something like that, anyways I said loose translation, didn't I?) As the train approached Anju shrieked and begged me to step into the gutter, but I refused steadfastly. Her highness would not step into dirty gutter!
The train kept coming closer and closer till it was in my face and the railing of the train hit me first and put me off balance and zhhhhhhhooooooop I dived head first into the gutter * slaps people clapping at the unexpected turn of events * I survived unhurt, not a single broken bone, not a single scratch but fully soaking in the gutter in which I refused to set my lovely feet in. Now I have learnt my lesson no point in avoiding little troubles of life as the people watching me from above will throw me right and very deep into them if I resist. So troubles are now met with a lovely smile and a quick jump :) and it goes without saying I always well almost always use the bridge to cross over a station.

My Tom Ford Mangalsutra

at Posted by Kusum Rohra
One bright morning a very sweet room-mate of mine came back from the kitchen looking sad and exasperated. According to me our kitchen is a place which people generally are very happy to visit, so I asked her the reason for her exasperation she replied, “This new room-mate doesn’t understand my jokes.” Most sad situation to be in I must say, when you crack a silly pj and have to explain it to people! Kills you.The least people should do is pretend to find your pjs funny! Apparently this sweet room-mate who happens to be a deadly singer (quiet literally, insects die when she sings) joked while gargling that it was time for her morning riyaaz, to which the not-understanding-jokes room-mate responded “Oh, so you do riyaaz?” Tch tch tch.

The sweet room-mate and the not-understanding-jokes room-mate have left and now I live with someone who doesn’t understand my jokes *gasp*. Has anyone of you seen this episode of Seinfeld where he is dating a girl who never laughs at his jokes, I think it was called The switch. I’m living with that girl, no not the one who acted in that episode, duh. I’m living with someone who doesn’t laugh, at least not at my jokes *sigh*. I have recently fallen in love with a pair of Tom Ford sunglasses, which I can order from however I have membership to only so I guessed it's best I ordered from there and for that I have come up with a brilliant plan.

I am not too fond of gold and I don’t see myself being thrilled by a mangalsutra []. So I feel that when the boyfriend and I get married and the pandit says “Abhi app vadhu ko mangalsutra pehnao.” He should just put the Tom Ford on my eyes instead of tying the mangalsutra around my neck.

See the sunglasses will definitely be cheaper than any Mangalsutra I pick, so that way I am guessing the boyfriend will be happy to save money if we buy sunglasses instead of mangalsutra and I will be the happiest bride ever wearing my favorite Tom Ford! * beams with joy at the very thought of it *. However when I told this brilliant plan to my new roomie she just looked at me as if I had just told her the number of cockroaches that died since 1986. No laugh, no smile, no expression! Gah! I feel the look on peoples faces when they would see a new bride wearing Tom Ford sunglasses instead of mangalsutra would be very funny but the new roomie apparently doesn't have a sense of humour :(

So, now my only option is to come and tell you people of all my brilliant plans in life. At least I can ass-u-me that you guys laugh while you may actually give those blank irritated looks to your screens. Tch tch tch poor you peoples, look what the Internet is doing to you. Heh.

Edited to add:

A friend from Singapore whose name I must not mention as her husband also reads this blog :D just pointed out that getting sunglasses as mangalsutra will also mean that I will be married only during the day, during the night I can be single and oh so happy ;). Also my marriage will get a seasonal off, during the rainy season I can get naughty. Ah! I always new my ideas are puuurfect!